I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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