Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
