Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize