this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
