last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
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