Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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