I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize