her vagine was all disorganized.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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