you guys were way drunker than both of me
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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