Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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