Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
