You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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