what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
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Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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