Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
