So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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