Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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