Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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