So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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