No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
