Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Randomize
