Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
