I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Say something about gay babies.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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