One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize