every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
