hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
