there's paper in my vomit.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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