and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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