I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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