If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
