Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
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We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Hippo gnu deer
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Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
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