Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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