He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You're like the curious george of whores
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
