Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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