her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
