Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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