I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
