i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
