he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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