he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
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My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
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I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives