I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.