There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.