There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
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No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
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If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"