hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
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She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect