I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i love accidental penises.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
