I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
