It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
