so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
