I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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