"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
