im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
