why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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