Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
