Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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