the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
