i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
