AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
