What a fucking waste of an outfit
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
