I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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