i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
