This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
