Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
