Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I use my feet as sexual weapons
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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