we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
