At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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