I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
