the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
