I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
