Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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