I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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