Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
