That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
