If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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